Someone to Live for

 Someone to live For

My sister and I are twins, we are fifteen years old. My name is Jessica, and my sister is Destiny. We live in a nice house in New Mexico. Our mother Riley has always taken care of us by herself. When we asked about our father she is very quiet and does not like to talk about it. We know our mother went through some tough times when she was kid, but she never wants to talk about them. We look at our friends who have grandparents they spend time with, we have never had that, don’t get us wrong we love our mother she is the most amazing person, but we watch other kids with their grandparents, or their fathers and we feel we are missing out on having those connections. We always thought that our mother over exaggerated what she went through growing up, but we have found we were sadly mistaken. We were helping our mother clean our house to do a yard sale when we came across a box of her old journals, they go back to when she was ten years old. Those are boring things take a crazy turn when she turned twelve. 

May 12, 1995

Dear Diary,

Okay so my parents have been acting weird recently. They have been talking in quiet tones and then stop talking when I go into the room. My two older sisters Stacy is 17 and almost 18 years old just tells me to mind my own business. My other sister Joselyn tells me that I am not important enough to know what is being said or why it’s being said. She is 21 years old and is married to Brad who was her high school boyfriend. They live together away from our house, thank God. They are both so annoying. Mom and Dad have friends coming over tonight for who knows what. BRB

Okay so my parents told me to come up to my room to pack my things because I am going away from here for a while. When I asked them what was going on, they just pushed me to the stairs to go and get my things. I could hear my mother tell my father that someone I didn’t catch the name of the person, but they should take Stacy instead, but he did not want her.  I am so confused, none of this makes sense. Everyone always tells me that when I get older, I will understand. No one cares what you think when you’re only 12.

I packed up all my things and got ready to head down the stairs for dinner. 

May 14, 1995

Crazy things have happened in my life. My parents have sold me to someone my dad owes a lot of money to. The man decided that he would take me to cover the debt. I am very confused by this, and what this means for me. But here I am in my new room, it’s nice. There is a large bed and I have got my own bathroom. The guy who owns me, Name is Adam. He has a son named Jackson who is 20 years old. Adam is way old. He has white hair and could be old enough to be my father. Jackson seems nice, he oversees taking care of me. 

June 15, 1995

So, things got weird when I overheard some of the guards talking that when I turn 15, I will have to marry Adam and produce children for him, even if I do not want to. I was so shocked to hear this, does not mean they would make me no matter what? I asked Jackson and he told me it was true, I would be his new sibling’s mother, I would be made to give his father children. Even when I protested that I was only 12, how is this legal? He just shrugged his shoulders, telling me that he will wait until I am a little older. He acted like this was normal. I feel so trapped; how could anyone’s parents do this to them. How can anyone expect me to be a mother at 15 years old? Reading what I have written just makes me sick to my stomach until I have something else to write. I will be taking a break from this…

November 20, 1995

So…. I got my first kiss today…I was so overwhelmed, and I didn’t think it would be so awesome. Jackson is a great friend and has been helping me since I got here. We hang out and talk about whatever we want to talk about. He takes me shopping and then cuddles with me and watches movies. 

December 2, 1995

Jackson’s 21st birthday is tomorrow. He wants to take me out to dinner, he got me an amazing dress to wear, we will celebrate both of our birthdays since mine is on the 5th of December. I will be 13 officially a teenager. Jackson said he has a special present for me. His father got called away from the villa to take care of business in some European country. I don't know how to spell or even pronounce. 

December 16, 1995

OMG I am officially a woman now. Jackson was so gentle and sweet when we made love last night. I hate that we must hide how we feel about each other. He says he loves me, and he will save me from his father. He said he will marry me, and we will live happily somewhere away from all this craziness. 

October 2, 1996

So, I haven’t had a chance to write for a while, but Jackson was called away by his father. It sucks that we used to spend every night together and now I must sleep alone. I have not talked to him in four months. I got two new guards that help take care of me. Christian and Lucas. They are like 19 years old and very good looking, not that I would cross that line. Jackson will be back soon, I hope. 

December 2, 1996

Today is Jackson’s birthday and he still has not called me. I really need to talk with him. I must know the article that Lucas showed me, where he was planning a wedding with someone else. This can’t be true, he told me so many things could they all have been lies. Lucas looks at me with sympathy, Christian tries not to look at me at all when this subject comes up. I told Christian that I have not been feeling so well, he listened to my symptoms and then left to go to the store. 

When he came back, he had a pregnancy test. He told me how to take it, he has four sisters, so he has seen this a few times. I stood in the bathroom looking down at two pink lines forever…. OMG this cannot be real, I am 13 years old. They both came into the bathroom to find me on the floor, tears running down my face. 

December 5, 1996

Happy 14th birthday to me. I sit on a bus traveling as far as I can away from that shit show. I have plenty of money thanks to the guys, a burner phone and a destination in mind where no one will think to look for me. I already bought a house online and paid for everything. So, I will have everything I need when I get there. I can do school online, and some college so I can get a job and take care of myself and my baby. 

October 8, 1997

Wow it’s been a while but settelling in has been crazy. So, I found out quickly that I was having twins. I was scared out of my mind. One baby would be hard but two. I can’t go back to my parents, not that I would even if I could. They sold me. Besides they would give me right back to him and FUCK that shit. I got into a program that helps teen moms to become emancipated and teaches you how to take care of yourself and your baby. They gave me therapy which has helped me a lot. I know now that the situation I was in was really messed up. I was sold into sexual slavery by the people who were supposed to love me the most. What Jackson did to me was even worse than what anyone else did. He used me and then took advantage of me when I was 13 years old. I will make sure I protect my babies more than anyone protected me. So, the twins are here now, they were born this morning. Jessica was first 5lbs, 4 oz 19 inches long. Destiney was second 5lbs, 3 ½ oz, 19 ½ inches long. My friends from the program were there to help me through labor and delivery. Looking down at my daughters, how could my parents ever sell me to someone else. That is one question I want the answer to, but will probably never have. 

November 10, 2004

The twins are 7 years old now. How time flies. They are a handful on a slow day. But I would never trade them for anything. I got a phone call on my burner phone after all these years. It was from Adam. He told me that the deal with my parents was off, and I was free to do whatever I wanted to do. I was way too old now anyways. Which made me sick to hear. Not two hours later Jackson called. He told me that he misses me, and he still loves me and wants me to come back. I laughed. I mean what do you even say to that. I declined and told him to have a great life with his wife. I hung up and destroyed the phone.  I started dating again when the girls were three. Justice is the sweetest man I have ever met. He has been through so much with us. The girls call him dad even though he is not, but Jackson would not have been a good father to them, and how could I let them be around someone who would easily take advantage of a 12-year-old girl. When the girls were 5, we explained that he was not their biological father, but he loved them like they were his. We were married last year. The girls would love to have a sibling. But there were complications with their birth, so the odds are very small. Also, Justice can’t have children, so there will be no siblings. Those two crazy girls are enough for us anyways.

I hope one day I can finally fully heal from the things that have happened to me and find closure for myself and peace in my heart. 

I know the meaning of happiness every time I look at my girls, and watch them grow, they are my greatest gift and the proudest part of my life.

We sit here with tears falling down our cheeks, thinking of all the things our mother went through to make sure we had a great life. 

Our mother walked through the door not two minutes later and asked us why we were crying. We both got up and ran over to her crying and hugging her. We both thanked her for everything that she sacrificed for us. She looked at both of us and then over to where we were sitting, and tears leaked out of her eyes…We love you mom, always and forever. Thank you. Girls you are the greatest gift I was ever given, you both make everything I went through worth it.